7/16/5: I followed up on this. I also made an important wording change that should have been made the first time.

I started an earlier draft of this that was posted in drunken anger for several hours a few weeks ago. I don't think anyone read it, because it was removed upon sobering. Now, sober (albeit somewhat sleep deprived), is just as good a time to revisit this topic as any. This weekend was our summer Brotherhood Retreat and so some of the things we talked about there are fresh on my mind.

I'm entangled in this war of mutual disrespect. A useless battle of ego, perhaps, but my side is fraught with actual consequences. I also feel like I'm being back into a losing corner, and have several times been quite close to doing something drastic.

This person I'm having the feud with thinks he is better than me. He thinks that he magically has control. I've had to make threats to even get him to listen to me. Worse, he has no sense of balance in his use of music (my immediate problem) and alcohol (his long term problem, in my opinion). He's in fact the second worst underage alcoholic I've known, and doing his best to "improve" his ranking. It's a bad college cliche, really, and it appears that he thinks his problematic alcoholism and "partying" makes him better than me. I don't want to get drunk and hang out with the same girls every weekend. Is that really all that anti-social and "uncool"? I'm I turning into just "the old complaining guy"? Personally, I see it more as attempting to better "maintain my self-respect by proper conduct at all times", but then what do I know?

...and the big thing about the music is simply that I feel the fraternity "PA" is completely inappropriate for use inside the house. The bass volumes from the PA travel the inside of the house like hot knives through butter (I'm sure this accounts for some of why he uses them), and he sets the speakers underneath the stairwell right outside my door. I have no way to avoid the music when I'm in my room. If he would just use a smaller speaker system and a spot that doesn't project as much noise into my direction I would be so much happier.

I haven't spoken directly to him in two weeks, because I'm still angry at the things he said to me the last time we spoke. I should call him up and invite him to a sober talk about my feelings, as that's the "brotherly" thing to do, but the last things he said to me have me believing that whatever I said would be ignored. (Because he's better than me, obviously.) Maybe I'm just being a cry baby, but the things he said to me were unnecessarily rude and harsh, and I just can't make sense of why he decided to be so hostile. I'm not sure who to ask to help me sort this out. I'm afraid of the inevitable confrontation this seems to be building to.

In the first conversation of the last confrontation he told me that if I was brought up for a membership vote for breaking up one of his oh so great "parties" (because blasting music and bringing in girls is such a great party), he didn't think anyone would hesitate to kick me out. He got a huge kick at upsetting me in this way. I don't understand where he got presumption to speak for all of my friends or why a "party" is so damn important to him.

The second conversation was shorter. It was also logged. Advice: don't IM insults to a guy who logs everything. Drunken me in blue; him in red, name replaced to protect the guilty; after the fact editorial comments in brackets.

[22:31]<jerk> Go to fucking bed
[22:32]<WorldMaker> Soon
[22:32]<jerk> (AutoReply) The doctors and nusres gave my balls a clean bill of health!
[22:32]<jerk> move out it's a fraternity house ...people drink, and party
[22:32]<jerk> fuck off
[22:32]<jerk> move out

[Here's an idea... why don't you try moving in? You have no respect for what it is like. You've started your inane party schedule here because you can't do it as much from your own dorm. Your neighbors would call in a noise complaint in a heartbeat, but I don't have anyone to call.]

[22:32]<jerk> you suck!@!@@@@#QRaegSDLcHkl;ASDBcvkl;ASDGN'[

[Such eloquence. Maybe I should frame it.]

[22:32]<WorldMaker> Fuck you... There's this thing called a weeknight.
[22:32]<jerk> you just had you god fucking mug christened

[So? I'm not allowed sleep somehow because of it?]

[22:32]<WorldMaker> Maybe if you had actual classes you might fucking understand.
[22:32]<jerk> fuck a week night
[22:32]<jerk> i do
[22:32]<jerk> at 9
[22:32]<WorldMaker> Bullshit.

[Obviously not my own best eloquence, true. I believe I was trying to imply that I actually cared for my class and needed to be there.]

[22:33]<jerk> and i don't get fired from coop for sleeping

[Completely off-topic. Bad debating. Solely to piss me off.]

[22:33]<WorldMaker> Fuck you asshole... you know why I got fired?

[Which, obviously, it did.]

[22:33]<WorldMaker> Not to mention that it wasn't a proper "firing", it was a fucking "non rehire".
[22:33]<WorldMaker> Jack ass.
[22:34]<jerk> well either way i'm still drinking partying and employeedQQQQQQqq[
[22:35]<jerk> unhired is the same as we don't want you back cuz your a fucking idiot... i asked my co op people

[No, its not. It's "you aren't a good fit for the position we hired you for" (overqualified) and "your position is being removed". Maybe even "we disagree with your political views and don't think you fit our corporate culture". I still got the "P" on my transcript, thank for very much.]

[22:37]<jerk> did you go to bed?
[22:37]<jerk> or run out of shit
[22:38]<jerk> ?

I realize that the Internet is not the best place to air my feelings on this, but its the one I'm most comfortable with. I can't complain tonight because it is a weekend night, but I don't mind displaying all the skeletons in the closet and why I don't think I can handle this problem on my own. Either I need more people to tell me that I really am just getting old and losing what "coolness" I might have had, or I need backup and support. I feel so lone and disrespected.

I've got a migraine, I need sleep, and I'm not in the mood for confrontation, so I'm going to continue being "anti-social". Looks like I still have several hours to go before I can get some sleep...