You know what the Bizarro World is, don't you? It's a part of the grand Superman mythos, the unsettling Sealab 2021 mythos, the satirical Drawn Together mythos, and even made a cameo in the Seinfeld mythos. (Just to name a few.) From time to time Superman would come into contact with an arrival into his Universe from the Bizarro Universe, which was usually Superman's short-bus counterpart Bizarro Superman, or Superman might wind up with an unplanned vacation in the Bizarro Universe. Bizarro Superman is considered by some as Superman's menace, although he was really more like Superman's retarded ward. Bizarro Superman didn't really know any better than destroying and smashing things because, ultimately, he was extremely stupid. It was often that he would think he was helping things by destroying things. It was the only real characterization from the DC Canon that truly pulled any emotion from me as a kid, the harsh emotion of pity.

The main Conservative tactic over the last four years, and which I believe will continue for sometime, seems to fit the description Bizarro Liberalism extraordinarily well.

I think its probably best to explain Bizarro Liberalism through examples. A few quick starting points: The Rights Fight, The Bush Agenda: Unfuckingbeleivable: God vs. Liberals.

I've been meaning to showcase a few of the Reader's Letters from the local newspaper that have particularly boiled my blood, but these are easy enough to find at the Courier Journal's Opinion Page. Instead I've decided to savage someone from a much smaller paper, the student-published "liberal" newspaper The Louisville Cardinal. (The Cardinal is actually sometimes readable. On the other hand, there actually is a student-published conservative newspaper, The Louisville Patriot, which frightens me from even attempting to pick it up.) For an appetizer, you can read how Louisville is not a "safe zone" for Conservatives. For the main course I offer you this letter to the editor that I can't find online (hopefully for good editorial reasons, although probably just because they don't publish letters to the editor online):

Stupid liberals strongly advised to get a clue

Here is a little clue for liberals: they got their butts handed to them because they are stupid — yes, stupid. They act like they are so smart and sophisticated, but they aren't. They're stupid.

Right off the bat you have a bizarro version of my view that Conservatives are Stupid. Obviously only one can actually be fact. Maybe its just me, but I remember the election being a tight race that had a mere 3 million vote seperation (around 3% of the voters) and decided in quite a few states by a much smaller margin. I would not consider that a metaphorical "butt handing", perhaps a "butt rubbing" or "butt slapping", but definitely not a metaphorical "butt handing".

They talk about tolerance for all groups accept (sic) the ones they don't like (Christians), and then they think people will actually agree with them — that's stupid.

Once again you seem to have discovered a Bizarro cache of thoughts. I haven't yet met a liberal who doesn't accept Christians, excepting the fact that they don't always agree with some of the more fundamentalist backwards beliefs. We realize how many people hold and cherish some of these Flat Earth-ian beliefs, and accept that that exists, even if we don't condone it. We also accept that many of these morons won't agree with on these issues, which is why we try to deal with real issues such as the Economy and Environmentalism. Beyond that, shockingly some Liberals are Christian.

No, it is the Conservatives who talk about intolerance for many groups, in particular those they don't like, and then they think people will actually agree with them, even those in those particular groups. (Of course, sadly that appears to be the case, but it doesn't make it any less stupid.)

They think people who work hard and want the government out of their pocket books are going to roll over and let a bunch of government geeks take their money and give it to lazy people who won't work — that's stupid.

At least now we've briefly left Bizarro World for Myth and Lies World, which is fairly well known country and has been a showcase of the Conservatives for several decades. Here we see, like some animals in their 'natural' habit in tourist-gawked zoo cages, the "Myth of Conservative Libertarianism" and the "Myth of Welfare is for Lazy People". First of all Consersative Libertarianism, at this point, is a joke. The War Economy mentality that modern Conservatives have, in which a perpetual war is necessary for the good of the country (ha!), means entirely new meanings for Government Spending. Only now, instead of taking from your pocket book and putting into the pocket books of the less fortunate, or into the education of you or your relatives, the Conservatives are just giving that money away to Big Multinational Corporations. Is Halliburton more important than "lazy people"?

They thought a small group of homosexuals were going to completely change the definition of marriage by staging a handful of pink and rainbow parades — that's stupid.

Ah, enjoy raining on parades, then? First of all, in what Bizarro world is allowing same-sex marriage completely changing the definition of marriage? Let's see, from Webster: "an intimate or close union". I don't know about you, but some of the gay couples I've met have had much more intimate and close relationships than some of the heterosexual couples I've met. If anything is changing the definition of marriage it is the current profluence of divorce in this country. Secondly, I think its more than just a "small group", it's completely easy for a heterosexual man to support gay marriage rights (like, say, random example: me), and it wasn't just parades that took place. Maybe you were too busy pissing on the parades to see some of the other stuff.

They thought a sloppy half-cocked propaganda film by a sloppy half-baked loser like Michael Moore was going to change America — that's real stupid.

Sloppy, perhaps, but Fahrenheit 9/11 wasn't lacking adequate preparation or forethought. If anything, it was too planned an attack, which I'll admit may have pushed a few moderates away. I'm not sure about Moore's drug usage (although I'll admit that I'm for the legalization of drugs, so I wouldn't hold it against the guy), but I do know that his sloppiness is a matter of personal style, which I don't begrudge him. I also don't believe a man with his money, charitable contributions, or hopeful and optimistic goal of perhaps bettering mankind through an odd sense of humor, can be classified as a "loser". Beyond that, none of the liberals I knew thought the movie would change America, we only hoped, and in some cases (such as the liberals who are Christian) prayed that the movie just might change America. I don't know about you, but I don't believe hope is stupid, and I feel offended that you are so eager to piss on people's broken hope and broken dreams.

The entire structure of the Liberal Democrat movement is based on stupid ideas and stupid principles. No wonder we kicked your butts, you aren't that smart.

Sally Frank

The entire structure of the conservative movement is based on lies and a bizarro twisting of liberal politics meant to ensnare liberals. The amazing thing is that it seems to have worked, even if it has divided the country while doing so.

By the way, you switched from "they" to "you" in your final paragraph, which is something that upsets English majors. I've used "you" consistently through out, to make my lambasting of you all the more personal because you seem to be an idiot, and I have no shame in hurting the feelings of strangers for being intolerant and backwards.