The difference a semester makes...

I'm genuinely happy. I guess I can call it the only real lesson I learned from my coop last semester. I was miserable, I was bored to tears, and I thought I was dying. It's amazing how coming out of a long dark period like that I've become so quickly and completely happy. So deliriously happy that I am indeed taking one of the biggest course loads I've yet undertaken, doing nearly all of the homework (gasp!), and even sticking to an excersize schedule (bigger gasp!). Of course, the latter is only thanks to a good friend living on the other side of the wall I'm facing... He's done a lot to help and has been gentle and encouraging. I've tried several times going on my own, but often chicken out, don't know what to do or don't develop the habits. My muscles are sore even as I type this, but it's a better sore than some of the pains that led me to realizing I needed to change some of my lifestyle, but I'm sure no one wants to hear the details...

Lately I've been thinking about this pattern that I've seen in my life. I believe that the only meanings to be found in our the lives are the ones we percieve, and which only have the significance we ascribe to them. Therefore this particular pattern may or may not be worth the movement of my sore muscles required to write it down, but I'll feel better having talked about it...

The "closest" thing I had to a girlfriend in high school, a platonic relationship that never went anywhere and never could have gone anywhere but provided someone with whom I could share a joke, was an aspiring journalist. However, her talents, in my opinion, were much more in the world of theater. She could, when she wanted to, devote an awful lot of talent into that art, but wasn't always given the starring or best roles (partially, I would argue, due to a subtle accent, only a moderate singing voice (like many schools, too many musicals were performed, and not enough "real" theater), and some intra-school nepotistic politics). Then, as I am now, I was infatuated with experiments in story telling and world building, and often she was audience or co-conspirator for projects that were more often than not abandoned. Several of these continue to amuse me to this day. But I think one of the keys she helped me to realize is how good acting talent can be a great facilitator to story telling and world building. (To some, this is a "duh", but to others it is a much tougher thing to realize... particularly in some of the spaces I long to travel, but I'll leave that for another post, as I'm starting to go off on too much of a tangent to retell that here.)

At another High School I was befriended by a girl who acted. What little planned socialization I did at that school was thanks to her.

Last semester, the brightest memory I can recall in that dim season, I had a long conversation with a Theater Major on the set of a major Borders Bookstore. I didn't even get her name beyond the fact that she was often called "wench" (on account of her being a RenFaire-ite), but it felt so good just to have a conversation.

Last Wednesday, one of the longest afternoons I have, I stopped for a late lunch at small cafe right before they closed. The closing server had such a beautiful smile I thought it had killed me. In reality it was merely a delayed fogging of my glasses from the relative heat and humidity of the cafe to the outside, but with my categorizing the years of my life in lives, I can just as easily say a new one started that moment. That smile made the whole afternoon brighter. She said she was an actress, in the Theater Department. She invited me to a play... a play I bought a ticket for and plan to see Thursday night.

I don't think I believe in love at first sight, as romantic as that sounds, but I do believe in lust at first sight. Damn chemicals are hard to escape when they run your body. I guess that would explain the week long infatuation that has left me hoping to see her again... should I go tomorrow during my break again and buy another sandwich? Do you think she might be at the play Thursday? Stupidly I didn't ask her if she had a part. Do you think I have a chance? It's odd, but this is the first crush I've had in a while... it's so nice to meet new people for a change...

I overheard her name was Candice. It's a beautiful name, deriving from "candor", which means honesty and truthfulness. (I was thinking "Candor" might make an interesting guy's name...)

Well, at least my fantasy life is back up to where it was two semesters ago!